Ways to make Kankuro kill you
by HailFirePeaks
Summary: How to make Kankuro mad. If you have any ideas for Kankuros reactions tell me in a review! Same thing if you have an idea about how to make him mad.
1. 1 through 30 ways

-1

So you want to be murdered by Kankuro? Here is your guide! This list is sure to make Kankuro kill you without even a second thought!

1. Say that his face paint is make up and tell him only girls should wear make up.

2. Steal all of his puppets and replace them with dolls.

3. Sigh loudly whenever he enters a room and say to the nearest person "He just HAS to come in when we start to have a good time!"

4. Say "Look its cat woman!" whenever he walks by.

5. Make Gaara cry.

6. When you see him, gasp and say "it's a miracle!" Then when he looks at you say "Oh sorry I thought you were the fourth kazekage. You look just like him!"

7. Accuse him of having a love affair with one of his puppets.

8. Draw on his forehead with a permanent marker when he's sleeping.

9. Say "Here kitty kitty.." instead of calling him by name.

10. Go into his room, steal his bunraku outfit (and all of his other clothes) and replace them with identical clothes that are too small for him. Then when he puts them on tell him he needs to lay off the junk food.

11. Paint the walls in his room pink!

12. Pour water in Gaara's sand gourd and tell him Kankuro told you to do it because he wanted to make a sand castle.

13. Imply that he has a crush on Lady Tsunada.

14. Follow him around and play the song "Puppet" by thousand foot krutch on your ipod (with the volume turned up loud enough for him to hear it). When he asks you why your doing that say "Its your theme song!!"

15. Punch him in the face.

16. Write a KankuroXOrochimaru fanfiction.

17. Make him bleach his hair blond then call him Ichigo.

18. Point at him and say "YOU! You're the reason that Gaara cuts himself!"

19. Ask him if the fourth Kazekage dropped him on his head as a baby.

20. Steal his face paint and paint puppets faces with it.

21. Steal one of his puppets and dance with it!

22. Order 5000 pizzas and tell the pizza guy that Kankuro will pay for them.

23. Take some of Shino's bugs and put them in Kankuro's bed.

24. Do his laundry for him and fade his blacks.

25. Follow him around and scream "Make way for the great puppet master!"

26. Break Tamari's fan and blame Kankuro.

27. Spray pepper spray in his jar of face paint.

28. Take his hood, put it on, then run around, flap your arms and scream "look I'm batman!"

29. Burn all of his puppets.

30. Draw a love Kanji mark (like Gaara's) on his head when he's sleeping then tell his siblings that he has decided that the only way to survive is to love only himself. Then look at Gaara and say "And yes Gaara, he _is_ mocking you."


	2. 31 through 60 ways

-1

31. Hire somebody to stalk him.

32. Tangle his chakra strings.

33. Tell him that you have destroyed all of his puppets but you got him some better new ones! Then make a list of random embarrassing things for him to do (such as running around Suna in his underwear) and tell him he has to do everything on that list then you will give him the new puppets. Then when he's finished tell him it was a lie!

34. Tell him he's a Sasori poser.

35. Make a list (like this one) implying that he has a short temper and will kill you for stupid random things.

36. Convince all of his fangirls to like someone else.

37. Give him a book called "How to be a Good Big Brother instead of a Horrible one", and tell him that Gaara suggested that he read it.

38. Pour soy sauce in his soda.

39. Tell him that the puppet jutsu is for cowards who are afraid to fight for real!

40. Ask him if he's afraid of Dogs.

41. Put a litter box in his bathroom and write his name on it.

42. Replace Gaara and Tamari with Neji and Hinata.

43. Trash Tamari's room and then go to Tamari and say "Hey, I saw Kankuro go into you room earlier. What was he doing in there?

44. Have someone dress up in a Shukaku costume and hide under his bed.

45. Tie him to a chair and make him watch the anime series "Bobobo Bobo Bobo".

46. Get the game Pokemon Trozei and set it on endless trozei mode (an endless puzzle game that just continues going until you lose). Then give the game to Kankuro and tell him that Gaara said that he would hate him forever if he did not successfully finish this game for him!

47. Make a myspace page for him and fill it with embarrassing pictures of him, and write blogs in it in which he confesses that he has an obsession with Disney princess movies.

48. Whenever he says the word "sand" snap your fingers, wink at him, then do a headstand! (To confuse him of course!)

49. Follow him around all day screaming "Kankuro! Kankuro! Kankuro! Kaaaankuuuro! KANKURO!!" Then whenever he says WHAT?? Say "uh… I forgot what I was going to say."

50. Put flower stickers and glitter all over his puppets.

51. Give Gaara a kitten and take a picture of him holding it. Then show Kankuro the picture and say "Hey Kankuro you suck! So Gaara got a replacement for you!"

52. Write a love letter to Kakashi and sign Kankuro's name at the bottem! Then send it!

53. Write a journal that contains a plan to assassinate the Kazekage and become Kazekage! And put it in Kankuro's room.

54. Take his cat eared hood and replace it with one that has floppy dog ears.

55. Convince him that Sakura has a crush on him and that he should ask her out. Then when he asks her out and she rejects him say "I told you she didn't like you that way!"

56. Convince the Kazekage to make it against the law to wear face paint AND carry a puppet at the same time.

57. … and to make it against the law to wear a cat eared hood.

58. … and to make it against the law to be protective of your little brother.

59. … and to make it against the law to be the middle child.

60. … and to make it against the law to be named Kankuro!


	3. Kankuro's reaction 1 through 6

This chapter covers Kankuro's reactions to ways 1 through 6.

* * *

Kankuro had just enjoyed a hamburger from one of his favorite local restaurants in Suna. And now he was on his way home.

"Hi Kankuro!"

Kankuro turned around to face the girl who had called him. It was a girl that he had never seen before. She had brown hair and she was wearing a black shirt that said KankyFan in big purple letters. "Uh… hi. Do I know you?"

"No." the girl replied. "But I know YOU! And you can call me KankyFan."

"Ok… bye!"

"Wait! Not so fast Kankuro! The other fans and I want to ask you a question!"

"Other fans?"

"Yep." the girl said and pointed to a group of people standing behind her.

"Alright… what do you want to ask?"

"Why do you wear that face paint? Because some of the other fans and I think its too similar to makeup. And only girls should wear makeup."

"Its none of your business why I wear it. And I don't care if you think its similar to makeup. There. Does that answer your question?"

"I guess…"

"Alright… now get out of my face before you make me mad!" Kankuro turned his back to the group of fans and continued his walk home.

When Kankuro finally arrived home he decided to head to his workshop and work on his puppets. He walked through the many hallways of the large house until he arrived at the door to his workshop. He opened the door and walked in. He gazed up at the rows of shelves that lined the walls expecting to see his collection of puppets that he had created over the years of practicing the puppet jutsu. His eyes grew wide with horror at what he saw. All of his puppets were gone! His eyes quickly darted from shelf to shelf but all he saw were dolls! Hundreds of tiny dolls, all wearing pink dresses, staring at him with their horrible little painted eyes.

"NOOOOO!"

He quickly ran out of his workshop, through the halls, and ran towards the main room.

"Tamari! You have to help me!" He shouted. When he entered the main room he heard somebody sigh and say "He just HAS to come in when we start to have a good time!"

He recognized the voice. It was KankyFan. He looked around the room until he spotted her. The room was also filled with all of the other people that had been with her earlier.

"Kankuro! Stop screaming like a crazy person! We have guests!" Tamari said as she walked around the room passing out glasses of water to the fans.

"It was you guys!" Kankuro screamed. "You stole my puppets! And… replaced them with dolls!"

KankyFan smiled at Kankuro. "Maybe we wouldn't have done it if you would have given us a better answer to our question."

"GET OUT!!" Kankuro screamed.

"Ok we'll leave. But you don't get your puppets back until you answer our question!"

The fans left and Kankuro tried to gather his thoughts. He really did want his puppets back… maybe he should try to get the fans to tell him where they were. He decided to go after them.

"Hey you guys! Wait up!" Kankuro ran outside and tried to catch up with the group.

One of the fans turned around. "Hey guys look its cat woman! Oh wait… nope its just Kankuro."

"That's not funny!" Kankuro said. "Now tell me where my puppets are!"

"Not until you answer our question!"

"NO!"

"Fine then… we have other ways of making you answer questions." One of the fans said. And with that they all walked away and left Kankuro standing in front of his house.

Kankuro searched the village for his puppets for the next hour. But when he couldn't find anything he decided to return home. When he walked inside he saw Gaara sitting on the floor in the main room. He had his arms wrapped around his knees and he was staring at the floor. "Hey Gaara, what are you doing on the floor?" Kankuro asked. Gaara remained silent. As Kankuro approached his little brother he could see the tears running down his cheeks. "Gaara? What's wrong?"

Gaara didn't look up. "Nothing…"

"It has to be something… Gaara tell me what's wrong!"

Gaara looked up at his big brother. "Well… there were these people and…"

"What? What people? What did they do to you?"

"I don't know who they were…" Gaara said.

"What did they look like?"

"I don't remember… but one of them was wearing a shirt that said KankyFan."

Kankuro was filled with rage. "Sorry Gaara you'll have to tell me what happened later." He gave his little brother a quick hug then ran out the door.

"What did you do to my little brother?!" Kankuro screamed when he finally found the group of fans.

"Nothing." One of them replied. We just made him watch an episode of Naruto that we had on DVD."

"What episode?" Kankuro asked.

"Assassin of the Moonlit Night." The fan replied.

Kankuro thought about it for a second. "Wait… isn't that the episode where-"

"Yep. it's the episode where Yashamaru tries to murder poor little six year old Gaara."

"WHY?!" Kankuro screamed. "Why would you make him re live those memories! You people are evil!"

"Maybe we are… but this can all end Kankuro. Just answer our question."

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because… because I just can't!"

"That's ok. We don't want you to answer that question anymore anyway."

Kankuro smiled. "You don't?"

"Nope." The fan said. "We want you to do something else."

"… alright I'll do whatever you want. Just stay away from my little brother!"

"Take off your hood and wipe off your face paint." The fan said.

Kankuro nodded and took off his hood. One of the fans handed him and wet cloth and he wiped off his face paint.

Just then one of the fans returned with a tray full of snow cones. "Hey guys I got the snow-" he stopped and looked at Kankuro. "It's a miracle! Oh wait… its just you Kankuro. Sorry… I thought you were the fourth Kazekage. You look just like him without your face paint and hood."

Kankuro turned to face the fans. "THAT'S why! That's why I wear this stuff! Because without it I look too much like my dad! And I hate it! Are you happy now?!"

"Yep." One of the fans replied. "Well its been fun… see you later Kankuro!"


End file.
